Category Archives: Mentoring

ARE YOU LIVING SOMEBODY ELSE’S LIFE?

Since the day we are born we have very little control on our own lives. Blame it on the system or on our mental framework or on the way our value systems mold us. At an early stage as infants we are controlled by the immediate environment which comprises the parents and the near and dear ones, that include friends and relatives. The infant is forced to toe everybody’s line as there is no choice due to both lack of awareness, and, devoid of any learning experiences, has to put up with various stimuli, natural or man-made. While the natural stimuli is all very well and very much necessary…though it is lacking in the modern world…the man made stimuli is as the adults would want it to be or what they consider to be in the right, or what is acceptable to society and the medical facility and the like.
Be that as it may as the infant grows this influence of the environment does not reduce and the aspirations of the parents and the friends come into play and thus there is an avid need to meet the required standards that are expected and thus the individual just seems to fall in line, and carry on life in an action and reaction, very much outlined for him by the others and their expectations. The traditional society will put in a lot of do’s and don’ts and the modern one will put the pressure of performing according to the requirement of the market as the “future ” of the person depends on it. Thus one ends up living practically the aspirations of the parents, teachers, friends and the societal requirements and the market requirements and the competition of course. Thus the individual is constantly driven by this external stimuli and is progressively brainwashed into accepting the wishes of all the external agencies that make up the environment and ends up making goals that are reflection of the needs and desires of this very environment.
Thus the individual, driven by the terms and conditions of this external environment , is so taken up with it in terms of time and pressure to perform, that little attention is given to what one really wants to do or what one is really fit for…..in fact there is little or no room left for introspection , no back step taken to view the scenario and to indulge in a reflections of one’s own aspirations. Everyone is running after the set pattern of goals set out for her or him and is so overwhelmed that one is literally led to believe that these are the very things that he or she wanted to have in their life and that there can be nothing else.
Thus during the infancy and childhood the parents teachers and friends rule the day. During the unruly teens the idols and icons play on the mind to which is added the peer pressure. By now the individual has borrowed so to speak a pretty good set of values and desires that go into goal setting, again colored by the market trends and its future requirements. It’s really fantastic how all this is thought to be true and pursued in earnest with a zest and zeal that is unparalleled in focus and a need to achieve. No it doesn’t stop here there is more to be got at every step as the demands from the environment continue right throughout the adult years and into the twilight zone.
Then comes a phase of peace quiet and slowing down. This is when reflections begin and soon as the entire reruns of life are made ….as there is now time to contemplate…..one learns with shock that indeed yes where was the ” I ” in all this, where and when did one really do things for oneself. One has catered to the parents, teachers, friends, advisers and in later years to the spouses and the bosses and the situations and the natural conditions as well and the very system that we have built around ourselves and we are so proud of.
Thus the identity loss is complete, one has lived the lives and aspirations of others at all times, the value systems patched on one by society and conditions of the time. In all this the ‘I” in the individual got lost and trampled upon and you never really lived your own life but everybody else’s. Yes! One is constantly living somebody else’s life and conditions don’t help either and in fact become a convenient excuse to continue on the same stream as there is the added attraction of ease. No need t think! Just follow a set pattern….it’s convenient and requires less effort! So much for living life on one’s own terms.
Yes! Living life on one’s own terms is difficult…one has to go against the current and put up a constant resistance…it calls for commitment and consistency and perseverance.. Strength of mind and the fire to carry it through…..all in all a strong personality. Perhaps the trials and pressures of the modern world has weakened man to the glee of the few strong that rule the world ruthlessly and to the detriment of the common man who refuses to be strong and stand tall!

Rationalism Vs Emotionalism

Recently, a question was raised on the counter effects of rationalism in the absence of emotion. At the outset perhaps it would be better to segregate the two terms emotion and emotionalism. These are two very different terms although near in spelling and pronunciation.
While emotion is a very positive tool, emotionalism can destroy the best of us, if exhibited incorrectly and in the wrong conditions, and can have a very disturbing effect on the environment.
Emotions like Anger, Contempt, Fear, Disgust, Happiness, Sadness and Surprise have been given to us as a defense mechanism, some to ward of danger and others to make us aware of our surroundings and become sensitive to its nuances, before possible harm can occur. These are in fact a very part of our physiology and are programed into us and would do us harm if we tried to do away with them. In fact used in correct quantity these emotions help to build our character and give substance to our behavior and help to build our personality.
Rationalism on the other hand is the pure use of logic and analytical power to gauge a situation in its pristineness, an objective analysis of the situation that has no room for emotion, an almost robotic quality to do what is best in a given situation sans distraction of emotion that will bring out the best result. It’s precise and practical and very much on the point and leaves little room to maneuver. It will involves discrimination and wisdom of experience and a much centered and balanced look at things and will cater to absolutism.
Emotionalism, on the other hand, is a different kettle of fish, it removes all power to think, and it will destabilize, and will oscillate taking extreme positions and bring out bursts of emotions, and will lead to irrational analysis, based mostly on subjectivity, and will render argument and understanding useless, leaving one physically and emotionally and mentally hot, and upset, with expanded eyes, variant gestures, teary eyed in some cases with heated attitude and raised voices and sharp body movements, and the inability to listen altogether…an explosive situation all in all leading to dissension and soreness in body and mind and resulting some times in heinous acts of bodily harm and revenge…..all very undesirable and completely foolish if I may say so!
What is necessary is to have rationalism with the right amount of emotion. This will ensure that emotion is expressed in right measure and quality and according to the circumstances. This will not only resolve complications but will lead to a saner living pattern and help to maintain a more peaceful environment which in turn will promote growth and prosperity. Understanding will be clear and the perceptions will be right, there will be lesser misunderstandings and more constructive thought processes and above all it will enable one to put oneself in the others shoe and see things as they are and thus be clearer about the concerned situation. It will lead to more openness and a sense of goodwill will prevail and the sense of having enemies and opposite parties may reduce to the minimum.
Thus emotion +rationalism will enable but emotionalism will disable.
This is what being human is being all about…enhancement, change and elevated thought processes that are put into practice so that every tomorrow is better than yesterday…..the removal of negativity and the indulgence in recreating ourselves……constantly on an everyday scale. Emotionalism will inhibit this process…so be rational and by all means have emotions …but shun emotionalism…! Continue reading Rationalism Vs Emotionalism

The happy hours of life

   are all that we want,

                                                    But it is because that we have sadness

                                                    We are aware of the happy hours being happy,

 Otherwise we would have taken them for granted.