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There is a distinct pattern in the way each individual lives his or her life. This is the consequence of many variables that go into the making of what we are at any particular time. In fact the variations are so great that it is no wonder that there are continuous dissensions and arguments that have ranged from passive confrontations which include dialogues that are either shouting matches or word fights to the extreme position of an out an out war.

While the whole situation may seem petty or even hilarious to a watcher, it’s no laughing matter for the parties concerned, they are very earnest in their arguments and each thinks he knows better and that the other is wrong. Each individuals lives by his or her  own set of codes, values and rules, some learnt voluntarily, others by following the lead and still others by force , or because there was no other alternative.

Above all is the individual ego, when one refuses to accept the wrong, and this escalates matters even further, sometimes to the point of ridiculousness and then comes the inevitable break in relations. Of course this creates a number of problems as one wants to be as far away from the problems that may occur if one were to come across such a person…the awkwardness, embarrassment, hostility, anger and a range of emotions that make the social atmosphere unpalatable, leading to tension and the spoiling of a good environment both internal and external,

Breakdowns will continue to occur as long as the mind is active and the emotions rule the day. Further our aspirations and the need to get what we want without due thought to others is bound to result in a difference in opinion.

Each individual has goals and wants to achieve it in the best possible way he or she can. There is an intense desire for success and to reach the ideal as near as possible. To be ahead in the rat race and do ‘whatever it takes ‘ attitude further complicates the issue. Time is of essence and the young and the old have no time…money is of prime importance and maintenance of relationship is just done in a superficial manner. Actually it’s something that is done when one is free or if there is an emergency. At such times there is an overload of emotions and this leads to an illusionary security, which exits as soon as there is a crisis.

Relationships may be pure where there is no agenda and so they stand the test of time until such time negative thought processes start invading through suspicions, dissatisfaction due to unrealized expectations and taking for granted. Then there is a gradual progression from trust to distrust and then emotions do their best to deteriorate matters further.

The agenda filled relations are doomed from the beginning and they take their own course as is expected, and finally disintegrate into nothing.

Then what exactly is this relationship…whether blood or otherwise…. are they naturally doomed? Why don’t they last? Does the human get bored as there is nothing left to explore or that the emotion has fizzled out. Or it no longer adds value to one’s existence or has simply lost its thrill or newness and is therefore unable to engage the mind. The human is naturally promiscuous and over a certain period looks for change, either for its own sake or because he can no longer deal with the situation which overwhelms him, or is just wanting to take the leap for the sake of adventure or just wants to run away.

There are indeed many dimensions to relationships be it social, commercial , political , or family….the basis of all relationship is that they all satisfy some requirement and once this requirement no longer exists there is a breakdown. In the commercial or social the contact is detached and for short periods and does not affect the life of the individual as much as they are aware of the fact that it will last only as needed and so there isn’t much emotion attached to it. It is well understood by both the parties and thus one can take it one‘s stride.

Most of the problems arise in the personal relationships viz. family or friends or spouses, when all hell breaks loose and all kinds of accusations are made and little heed is paid to the right and wrong as the brain stops functioning and is completely taken over by the heart… all are in the same mode there is only pure chaos and the intellect is just thrown out and the mind revels in its supremacy in its ability to turn the human into a brainless idiot.

What is one to do then? Not have relationships! ….or just interact as needed and move on….no attachments and so no responsibilities and no sob stories….just a very dry give and take of duties and responsibilities and cut and dried life.

This is inconceivable in the human societies…humans in their very nature form attachments, are possessive and seek ownership of both places and people and like rule over others…are demanding of attention whatever their age and are rarely rational …in fact they are emotional wrecks, and taking off, on a moody tangent is a rule rather than an exception.

Relationships like everything else require rules, thought before action, a maintenance of a cool attitude, letting things pass and not make an issue of every petty item in life, cooperation and support. Not just mental, but also physical , being actually there, respecting the other person, analyzing and understanding the situation before speaking not taking them for granted, or turning them into your own personal slave, allowing them to attain their goals without hindrance, not getting into a race with them or imposing your likes and dislikes on them.

In short everyone has to exercise rationalism , have emotion but not indulge in emotionalism and exercise discrimination…This will help to find quick solutions without ire or hatred and will leave you with a happier attitude and a pleasant feeling…acceptance of one’s wrongs are very important and graciousness in behavior is of prime importance.

The most important thing is to give space…every individual has his or her inner space…the other should leave it well alone. That is the innermost compartment of every individual…so do not trespass…that is where the thinking person likes to be at times. You see one does not want the constant companionship of another person. Everyone likes to have some alone time and this space is where the individual likes to be…all the secrets, fears, tears and innermost feelings are here…they are rarely divulged and they are not to be encroached upon…here the human is at peace with himself, he can analyze and reach tranquility make the correct decision without interference and it is here where the ‘Quiet” is. Leave it well alone. The inner space is his and his alone and is a most prized possession of every individual, this is his or her actual face, stripped of all traditions, niceties, and civilities. This is the stronghold of every individual, and whatever may be your relationship and however close this door is never opened for it does it makes one vulnerable to the onslaught of the world of relationships that will break the very spirit that supports you and helps you to face the storms of life.

Published inMentoring


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